This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
