Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
