nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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