Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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