Just fell off a train. Bad.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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