All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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