who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
