if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
