He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
