im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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