i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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