That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
