Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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