My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
