is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
