All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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