I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
