So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cat gives me a boner
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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