If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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