That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
