i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
