Soap is not a condiment
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
