Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
