We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
