Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
