I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
