Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
