Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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