she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
