I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
