Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
