her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
