My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
