woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
