I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
