If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
