so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
