I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
