What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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