Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
