my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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