If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
