We won't sleep together?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just puked most of my soul out..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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