I faked an abortion last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
