I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
