hotel room ftw
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
