u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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