fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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