i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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