i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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