do herpes really smell.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
