I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
