You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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