just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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